The One Where I've Been Fudge-Up Alive
11.21.05 (1:01 pm) [edit]I don't really know how to begin. I don't really know how to end. I need to end this. Seriously. It's NOT a joke anymore.
All this while, I was being silent because I need to take care of his feelings. I put up with everything that he wants. His tantrums, his mood swings, his I-do-NOT-care-much-about- this-World attitude. I left my private life because I think he's more important than my own. I love him so much. Now I feel that my sacrifice was purely a waste.
I've turned myself in to a stubborn-dontgiveafuckwha tpeoplesay person and look what had happened to me? I failed miserably. I let my parents down with my so called attitude and I'm 25. What the hell that I'm doing? What did I put myself into? What?
Yes, being with him makes me free. Makes me constantly happy. But is this what I want for my future?
I'm tired with all the misery. I'm so fucking tired. Tired of being use alive. Why did I let this happened all over again? Didn't I see what's coming? I was too blind?
Last night, I witness it all. How hypocrite someone can be when they have to safeguard a personal "interest"? This bastard that I cared and loved all this while lied to me. How could he do such things? How could he just let it happened? How could he?
I just wish someone just knock his head, think clearly for once.
The substance just pulls him away from reality. His judgement was NO MORE present. He hides away from his shadows. I'm fading away this time. May that bitch hurts him like hell.
Cinta, thank you for screwing up my life. I thank God that He'd showed me what you really made off. I deserves better. Goodbye.