The One Where I Want To Appologise
08.20.05 (3:08 am) [edit]First and foremost, I would like to appologise to CINTA for being so judgemental about him in my entire blog. I'm so sorry.
This blog expresses what I feel "immediately" mostly. I need to dish out everything from my system because I could not handle being so hypocrite. I write on an emotional basis, that's why it turns out straighforward and ugly. I describe you so unprofessionally and I created this figure which everyone would hate because I was misunderstood on the whole situation. I was alone and all this assumptions build in my head. Bad things mostly. I admit I was wrong. This is an open appology to you. I'm so sorry. I've never been so GUILTY. Strong words can just kill everything.
Me and CINTA has a history of having a communication breakdown. I was the one who always keeps things inside and then bottled all up in my head. I confess to that. We've talked a lot yesterday. It was a good thing. A VERY good thing indeed. I've learned so much. It was an honest all day session.
He feels exactly the way that I feel. He worries about me most of the time. Worried that I would change my heart and worried that I would leave him. I never thought he would think that way.. I thought I was the one with the insecurities. He cares :)
If we didn't talk, I wouldn't know that wouldn't I?
A very good friend once told me that communication is the key to all relationship and it's all true. I always crack up my head with all kinds of imaginations and assumptions that he will leave me. It's dangerous, when you think alone the devils are always seducing you to think both propotion of the story, my negative side always takes charge and nearly win. My positive side struggles to think all the happy thoughts and thankfully I still believe that patience and virtue are very very important. And LOYALTY is an added bonus. (I found out he is loyal to me too.. that makes me extra happy)
We've open up everything and never again would keep our mouth shut from each other.
My head was so free and I do feel that half of the burden inside cramming my head was totally gone. It was magical. The power of sharing the information verbally. The expression and the tone compliments the words uttered from inside. It was beautiful.
I never felt so love like yesterday. First time in my life, I felt I was important to him. First time, I've heard about our future together. I did cried yesterday.. this time it's HAPPY tears.
Allah has given me everything and I kick myself hard if I'm not thankful for what I've got. There's a lot of challenge that I have to face. Alhamdulillah, my faith and believes are still strong. Face everything like starting a new day.
My life, my love: priceless
p.s: I love you more and more each day...