teddydeath's junkie

The One Where I'm Officially 26

Yeah.. 

I still live and breath for 26 years.  I'm thankful for that.  Thank you for all the wonderful wishes.  It just make my day.  I love you all.  May Allah bless u with richness in love & health.

Amin.

p.s:  To the LOVE of my life : "A cup of coffee, a couple of smokes and a little conversation.  You and me five bucks".  The best gift ever is YOU. 

The One Where I Will Turn 26 in a Few Hours

It's been a wild ride so far. 

Being 25 means I've live almost a quarter of my life.  Did I achieve anything?  Did I make my family proud?  Did I make myself proud?

It's like been on a roller coaster ride.  It started slow and shaky.  Then it became steady till I reach the top of the escalation.  Suddenly when I started to enjoy the view, I drop like mad and the speed increases.  I try not to scream but I can't help it.  I try to forget and close my eyes.  I try to think about happy thoughts and pray for my safety.  The speed and the gushing wind just threw me away from reality.  I scream like I never did before.  I was scared but I feel I need to loose it.  I scream my hearts out.  It was a relieve when fear turns into something undescribable.  The rush can either be fun or destroyed me.  My heart and blood just drew faster, I prayed that the ride will end soon as I could not take it anymore.  At the final loop of the ride,  the speed starts to decrease and it's going very slowly till it reach the pit-stop.  After the ride ends,  I feel glad.  But I know part of me wants to feel the adrenalin rush again.  Feel free, feel the rebel in me. But in the process, I did hurt a lot of people.  A lot.  It's not something that I'm proud off.  I'm carrying this burden torch and I can't passed it to anyone.  It's my responsibility to light up the dark path on the way to my destiny. 

I choose this path because I believe this is my direction.  I truly want this.  I love the way I lead my life.  It is not as sweet like most people think.  It's NOT, believe me.  I cried alone when nobody's looking.  It's the hardest road I've ever taken. 

I've learn that sacrifice is a big baggage to carry.  I hate it when I had to lie just to be happy and just to be ME.  I learn that things are not as wonderful as it can be.  Things can change gradually if I want to.  Yes, I want to.

I have only one wish for my birthday:

Be fair to MYSELF,  I deserved all the happiness in this world.  I just deserved a better me.

p.s: 
1.  "Ma, thank you for bringing me to this world 26 years ago"
2.  "Pa, thank you for putting up with me"
3.  "Alfian & Izhar,  kakak can't put up any words how much both of you meant to me"
4.  "Tok, wish we could set our differences aside.  U meant a lot but I wish you could just understand me somehow"
5.  "Cinta, my heart is always with you no matter what happens"
6.  "My good friends and my confidante (u know who you are), thank you for just being here with me, completing my journey of life"

I love u.

&

Happy Birthday to me!  May Allah bless me and my family with all the richness of love :)