The One Where I Lost and Gained My Future
05.27.05 (11:52 am) [edit]heyaaa... it's Friday and I'm always in love...
hmmm... let me see... well, I've been busy this week and another coming week.. busy with work but hell I'm happy here.. happy to learn something new everyday... I'm in the Marketing Department (ironically before this I really hate doing any marketing for the college... I do surprise myself sometimes) but I'm one of the product managers here, so what I do is "care" and manage my product and the sales people will do their magic later.. ain't that fantastic organisation???
I've gained a lot of friends here and they were all friendly.. yeah I'm happy.. One more thing that I would like to share with all of you out there.
My dad works in the southern state of our country and yeah I would only meet him during weekends. It's his routine to be home every weekends and I do miss him a lot. I'm just so lucky that he's here with me when I grew up but my brothers didn't have that chance.. they can only see him on weekends.. kinda sad though.. but my dad went out to work, I have to respect that. Well the thing is when I worked in my previous college, I feel that he didn't bother much but when I shift into this new company, he always called and check on me.. I feel odd at first cause he never calls me this constantly before but I like it.. I like the attention from him.. :)
I'm so happy that he's happy... can't wait to see him this weekend.
ohh yeah... I didn't get to be a PTD.. I'm NOT selected.. well maybe I'm NOT good enough to served the country.. to tell you the truth.. I'm a bit relief that I didn't get through.. yes you heard it right.. I FELT RELIEF.. why??.. because
- I can't held pressure well..
- I can't stand to be bombarded with questions..
- I can't forced myself to read up the history books and remember all current issues.
- I'm emotionally inclined..
- I don't like to be monitored 24-7
- I'm a private person, I don't really like my personal life to be dig up and controlled.
That's NOT for me..
I'm just NOT a good candidate.. and I can't be the person that I'm NOT. Yes I have to admit that I missed a big opportunity to be in the shoes of a glamorous PTD. But I ain't gonna look back. I'm so thankful for all the experience that I've gained from the assessments. It make me realise something big, I don't want to be ONE.
I love my current job. Hopefully I excel here and succeed in everything that I do. Insyaallah.
I wish everybody that get through the assesment good luck and do good for our country. You're the freaking best amongst the rest.
Have a good Friday and a good weekend..
The One Where I get Knock Down and Can't Stand Up
05.20.05 (2:46 pm) [edit]Sumthing just triggers my mind last night... I'm NOT sure what.. but it's telling me to get a grip of myself 'cause I feel a bit down lately.
That "knocked on the head" session I encounter last night was making me restless... my head hurts thinking how a person can do such things to another person.. and that person was the closest friend I've ever had..
I was thinking (lock myself inside my room) and I do need a drastic change in my life. It will involve other people... some will retain.. and some that I have to let go. For the good of both parties.
Certain individuals that I've encounter over these few years meant a lot to me.. they keep me sane.. they keep me occupied.. they keep my spirit uplifted... and I do cherished their friendship. Those are the ones I will treasure.
Those "parasites", whom-befriends me for their own advantages/purposes could just go and Fudge Off from my life. I know who you are.. yes, I was a softie-kind-hearted person, that doesn't mean that you can over-powered and manipulate me... Na-ahh... This time I really mean it.
I may offended some people.. I'm sorry.. You Just Asked For It!
The One Where Star Wars Rule The World
05.19.05 (8:20 pm) [edit]Yipppieeeeeeeeeeee....
Star Wars has finally started and I'm over the moon. I can't wait to see it. Got a date with a few friends this Friday... cool...
I just can't wait...
Been busy with work this week.. got 2 deadlines to catch up.. I'm gonna finished one hopefully by tomorrow.
I'm learning.. and yes I became stronger...
May The Force Be With You & Me!
The One Where I Am Opening Up
05.16.05 (2:13 pm) [edit]heyaa.. It's Monday and I'm back to work...
Been walking back home regularly right now and alhamdulillah I had a safe journey home. Lost 1 kg for 1 week of walking and that is a good start, hopefully I'll maintained the pace. 1kg per week ain't bad.. imagined loosing 1 bag of flour out of your system.. that's like so cool.
This is an issue that I'm not comfortable to discuss with. But until when I could bottled it up.. It's been clogging my system for quite sometime... so people it's time for me to opened up.
It's been years that I've been battling with my weight. It's NOT been successful yet. Seem that I've putting on more rather than shedding it off. 80% girls of my age are HALF of my size. sheshh... It's very dissapointing when you're living in a so-call perfect world where being pretty and thin is always "in" with the crowd & where the other bunch are left behind. The society just could NOT understand that other sizes do exist. It's a very cruel and discriminating... and even worse I'm a girl struggling to make my mark in this world.
Damn..
A concise word as I fully described it...
Being in the other bunch is like being an alien, an outsider... everybody notice you for the wrong reasons.. they tend to criticise they way you look, the things that you wear, the extra baggage that you carry, give you mean nick-names to depict the way you look... such as montel (chubby), tembam (chubby), gemuk (fatty), fatty boom-boom (fat and with lots of flesh) and some graphics words which is not appropriate to be put in my blog.
Some people (I consider as assholes) just tend to say wutever things that they want to say but never realise that I have feelings too... yes, people of all sizes have feelings... don't they know that we sometimes locked ourself in the bedroom or bathroom and cry our hearts out... thinking why is our fate turns to be like this??... why can't we be treated like normal people?.. WHY?
I have to live with this sayings for quite sometime now.. and wut could I possibly do??.. I don't want to end up cursing every people that says anything bad about me... Below are some of the sayings that people throws at me:
"Dia segak tapi badan dia besaq" "She's pretty but she's overweight" - this one I heard a lot.
"Sihatnya. Ni mesti makan beras siam" "You are big and healthy. You must eat rice originated from Thailand" - this one was supposed to be a joke, hell I don't buy it.
" Loweredlah kereta aku. Rosak nanti suspension." "My car would be lowered. The suspension would be broken." - this one also depicts sarcasm.
" Balaq dia kecik siot" "Her boyfriend has small frame" - one of my fav listings, so freaking wut??
"Ranap bf dia.. hihihihihi" " She'll crushed her boyfriend for sure..ihhihihi" - this one by whispering, done in shopping complexes sheshh.. I heard it.
I have a few words to say to these people:
- to my relatives = I just give them a smile (thank God you're my grandma's cousins-sister-in-law-wut ever-shit or else I could have sworn that I could NOT forgive you until you beg for my forgiveness at Padang Mashyar - ** the field/final place where people gathered on Judgement Day according to Islam. But I'm so, so sad that I have a blood relation with you, I really mean it.)
- to other people = just total ignored (well congratulations you've just earn yourself a SIN for everyword that you've uttered brainlessly and hurt my feelings. I'm SORRY, I'm NOT vengeful but for me if you hurt me once I do believe that God will do me justice.. don't blame me if you had strings of bad luck after this.. :P)
I don't hold any grudge against anyone.. just REMEMBER to THINK before anything goes out of your freaking mouth... you have been warned....
well not everybody is a loud motor-mouth.. I must declare this here too;
I would like to express my gratitude:
Firstly to my family for their support, especially to my mommy who was concern about my health and asked me to watch what I eat. That's acceptable for me.. she cares about my well-being.
Secondly to my CINTA who sticks with me and don't really care what other people say. Your ears must be bleed by now on hearing all those mean-hurtful words. Glad you just ignored them. Those are BIG sacrifices that you take just to be with me. Sometimes I just wonder that you don't earn those treatment. Sometimes I just thought that maybe if you aren't with me, people won't talk. Sometimes I feel that it's not fair for you to be judge too. Sometimes I do feel sorry... Sometimes I feel like letting you go for the sake of it... I don't want you to get hurt... I don't.. love yaa too much One fine day, we'll know....
Thirdly, to my close friends who didn't judge me.. I'm so thankful to be among these circle of friends who value their friendship rather than care of silly things that make up the word sarcasm. I love you guys.
Fourthly, to unprejudice strangers everywhere, you are my everyday heroes. Undoubtly.
Regards from me to you
The One Where My Work Load Getting Higher
05.12.05 (11:32 am) [edit]heyaaaa.... it's been almost 10 days that i've been here and I've been given a lot work.. ohh.. yeah I'm NOT gonna complaint anymore.. ihhiihihhi..
hmmm... for this past 10 days I've been on my own.. this is the first time that I feel that I'm standing on my two feet and facing the world. Previously I have my friends to tag along with.. But now naahh... I'm alone and I'm surviving. I think this is a good exposure to me as I do rely on MYSELF from now on... I will trust my judgement.. I will trust my capabilities, I will trust myself... Yes I still need guidance.. no doubt about that.. luckily my department (which consist of 5 people) do give me support... I need that as a fresh start.
Do you realise that when you are NEW in a department or an organisation, there's always wondering eyes watching your every move??... even the tea lady acts really weird... looking at you like ur an alien... the discrimintaion level is very high...
Alright.. I feel it almost everyday right now... it's normal for people to act like that.. people like to jugde by 1st impression.. that's why I took some safe precautions.. just listen, smile and be quiet. That's the MOST simple act anyone can do in their 1st month of their job. Alright you can accused me of being phony and NOT being myself.. BUT it's a part of my strategy.
Just play along.. slowly creep in the society.. get to know the game plan.. research... study on how the game is being played, make new strategy for improvements and execute my own game plan.. It's gonna take a lot of time.. but this is my goal..
sounds so devilish... but I like it... every minute of the day.. I've missed a lot of stuffs from my previous jobs though.
- Eat breakfast and lunch with Alang (been doing that for 2 years and now I'm eating alone.. I'm adapting to it.. no choice)
- Talk to Alang and Mas when I have problems (I have no one to opened up to..)
- Laugh, make jokes with my department when everyone was stressed out (everybody was so serious... no time to relax and have a laugh)
- Going to Amcorp Mall to get my weekly dose of new DVD's every Friday.
- Have my sauna session at a nearby beauty saloon when we skip lunch.
- Going to Strawberry Fields, Bakery, Pak Janggut aka KFC and Kandar for lunch.
- Get our daily dose of fruits at the fruit vendor...
- Going to Tong Woh and Watson...
- Gossips in the office... (this one should be eliminate.. hihiihihih.. just can't help it)
- Teach
Ahaks.. there you are... my list of the stuff that I've missed.. I have to get back to work...
take care sweetheart...
The One Where I Was Called An Executive
05.10.05 (2:04 pm) [edit]heyaaa.. it's been quite long that I've been neglecting my blog.. guess I'm too busy.. busy with work... well now, I'm in a NEW environment, NEW workplace and a NEW post.. I'm happy...
It's been a week now that I'm here.. still no sign of work.. just stuffs that I have to read.. the previous projects and products.. we'll thankfully I got access to the net.. so I'm occupying my time by practising my photoshop techniques and some web codings.. I love it.. a new day and I learn a new skill.. not bad at all...
I came to work by the feeder bus which cost me about RM0.50. I went home walking.. yup guys.. WALKING!... and that is so cool. Well I only took a cab when it rains badly.. other than that I'm happily walking home.. (Pray for my safe journey home)... I'm NOT so sure about the distance but roughly it's the same distance of walking from KLCC to SG Wang Plaza... It's a good way for me to get my daily exercise (which I'm lacking off!!)... about 20 minutes I will reach my lovely home and at this time I'm already drench with a lot of sweat.. had my bath and I will rest leisurely.. hihiihhihi
So don't blame me if I don't pick up calls late at night anymore.. I'm so sleepy and don't have enough energy anymore.. so.. it's a lucky when I pick up... Sorry :)
So there you are.. an update about me.. I do hope that it's gonna be a habitual for me to update my blog from now on.. hopefully..
Take care peeps! Luv yaaa!