teddydeath's junkie

What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me??.. I did ask myself that question today...

Why the hell that I could not forget the existence of the man that breaks my heart into teeny tiny pieces??

Why does when I close my eyes I only sees him?

Why the hell that I have dreams of him so often??

Why do I can't take my mind of him?

Why does his shadowy presence cluttered my life??

Why I have to face this every damn day?

Why I do have to suffer?

Why I can't even hate him?

Why I can't forget him?

Why am I NOT strong enough?

Why?

The One Where I've Lost My Aunt

My aunt lost her battle... she past away 1 week after her 63rd birthday.. it was a sad sad occasion for me and my family... my grandma heart was really broken... my family was really concern about my cousin Lin.. she had lost her mom.. I could not imagine that feeling... it was really hard for her... I could see it in her eyes.. it was all so sudden for her... everything seem going so fast.. I just hope that she will keep the faith and be strong...

Mak Ngah died in the month of Ramadhan and people do say that's a good thing.. I do hope so.. may Allah bless her soul... she really deserves it.. so Mak Ngah this blog entry is dedicated to you and I'm gonna miss u so much...

Th One Where I have a Sore Throat

It is so cold in the office... the new aircond really freezes everybody up... my toes was turning blue today.. gosh....

I have a bad sore throat today... really bad.. I can't even swallow my own saliva..it hurts so bad.. feel so uncomfortable.. i can't even speak properly today...sheshh... I wanna go home and take a good rest.. 

new news about my aunt.. she's showing good signs in her health status.. she can breath on her own now without the help of the life support.. that's a good news to hear but still she's still unconcious.. I pray that she would be alright soon...

and yes.. there is nothing much to do in the office..

The One Where My Aunt Is In The ICU

My aunt fell sick and was admitted to the ICU for the 3rd time this year.. She was diagnosed with "tyroid in her blood" and the thingy had attack her brain and her kidney.. I went to visit her yesterday and she did not gave any response.. gosh... she look so weak and lifeless + she's very,very thin.. her body was mainly covered with oxygen tubes and all sorts of red and blue wires.. it is devastating to see her in that condition..

My mum and other relatives saw her and they too broke down in tears.. It was really a difficult time for my family especially my grandma.. She was the one who worried the most.. and at 83 years old, it's not advisable for her to be worried and to think to much.. she is also not well...

I feel so sad and depressed.. I'm so concerned about my cousin Lin, she really brokedown in tears.. man I could not imagine the pain that she suffers.. thinking about losing your mum.. that's unbearable.. hmmm.. her sister had a delayed flied from London and all she has to do is wait... she's all alone... I'm NOT gonna mention anything about her dad.. he's partially involved in this whole matter....

There's nothing more that we can do but pray that my aunt would get better.. the doctor also didn't give any high hopes because my aunt is very weak and very much unstable.. furthermore it's the 3rd time that she's been here in the ICU.. her body can't take it.. but she's struggling hard to stay alive..

Hope she will be here this coming raya...

The Trouble With Love Is..

It's been a week that I neglect my baby.. my blog.. sheshh I hate it when this happens...

arghhh.. feel like I have so much to talk about... BUT I do feel like I'm lost for words... geez..

-I feel like I miss someone so damn much-

maybe.. just maybe that I need to spend some time alone.. this is what I usually do when I try to FORGET... it's not fudging easy to forget.. as I quote what Kelly clarkson sang in her song "The Trouble With Love Is.."

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin' and I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
The sad story always ends the same
Me standin' in the pourin' rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

It tears me apart to see people who are in love.. I could see the love sparkles in the eyes...  ohh yeah.. I feel so envy of them.. I wanted to be in that situation..arghh.. I used to be so in love.. I used to be in that position.. it's nice to be with someone so close.. it feels warm to be by his side..

It's not gonna be the same drill anymore... it's gonna be a lot different and I have to try and live with it... damn.. love just annoys me more nowadays.. it's NOT my thing in this moment of time as I'm in a "break-of-love"... seriously I need time to mend my broken heart... I'm sorry if I ever hurt someone's heart over this period of time.. You know who you are..  I positively know that you'll read this blog of mine... 

To You,

I need time.. that's all I have to say.. if you feel that you can't wait.. then it's ok.. u don't have to wait for me.. I don't think I'll worth any of your time... I still loves him no matter what happens... that is my problem.. I have to face it alone.. I know someday I'll regret that I ever let you leave... I'm sorry.

Between Luv and Hate

- K -

geez... I just so hate myself right now...