An Opened Letter To CINTA
08.29.04 (5:20 am) [edit]Hope you have received an sms from me and you will read this blog with an opened heart.. it's important.. (I'm crossing my fingers.. hoping that you will read this..)
This is an opened letter to you. I don't know if you want to read it or not BUT I have to do this.. It's the only thinkable way.. Don't be mad.. This is from my heart and I think you deserved to be told.....
25 August 2004
It was almost 8.00 sumthing that I heard "Yellow".. (my ringtone for your phone number).. it's been long I haven't heard this tone... I was shocked when I had that missed call of yours.. My hands are shaking and my fingers are trembling with ease.. I don't know wut to do or even wut to expect.. I answered but somehow it get disconnected.... There were tears in my eyes.. glad that you were alive.. glad that you have called..
I was still in awed.. I still can't believe it's you.. I sat on my bed thinking did you called me just now??.. that's why I send you the sms for verification.. I've waited for your reply.. You didn't answer.. So I thought.. wut the heck.. maybe you have accidently pressed my number.. so I went on have my bath and my mind was cluttered and very much puzzled.. You know how I can think of sumthing too seriously...
At 11.30p.m you have confirmed.. it was you...
And at that moment I feel so damn happy I could not describe it with words.. I have all the jittery vibes... I was crying happy tears... My hand was eager to dialled your number up.. BUT I was scared.. scared that you don't wanna speak to me.. what would I say??... what would you say to me?.. Everything seems so quick.. I
- feels like you will rush and see me that nite...
- feels like we would hang out again in the shady carpark..
- feels like we would take out McDonald's and eat in the car again and talk about everything..
- feels like watching movies together again...
- feels like talking to you in the wee hours in the morning
- feels like everything was gonna be alright....
- fells like God gave us a second chance....
It's all in my head... I just need reality check.. I need to rest.. I just shut my eyes and try to sleep.. amazingly it was you that is on my mind.. It has been in my mind everyday... try to imagine your smile, try to imagine the cute constant acne on your left cheek.. try to imagine your face.. it doesn't fade at all.. feels that you're with me everyday...and recalling the times that we've been hanging around together... happier times.. good times.. bad times.. we had our moments.. we had our share...BUT wut had happened?..
Then suddenly it snaps...
it all came back to my head.. it breaks my heart when you left.. I thought it was for a while...but you left me ... u just left me alone..
You told me once you were sick... I know you were sick.. you've said to me you don't want me to be burdened up by your problems... You don't want me to be sad.. I told you I would take care of you.. but you just shut me out of your life... why?
I can't figure out wut happened.. maybe you had your reasons to do that.. BUT.. why didn't you tell me like you use too.. we share almost everything but why didn't you do that... it hurts to be clueless.. I don't know wut to do.. you don't even answer my call.. you ignored me totally.. I try to reached you out.. u just seem to keep ur distance from me... then I just realise maybe I've done sumthing wrong.. maybe sumthing that I did hurt you so bad that you don't even want to see me again. That's what on my mind all this time..
I try to ask myself.. maybe I was to blamed over this.. maybe I don't really fit around your circle of friends.. I'm not cool enough to hang around them.. I know who I am... I am no threat to anyone.. I'm so fragile in any situation... I'm no trend setter.. I'm no genius.. I'm just me... Someone who cares deeply for you..
Maybe I'm not good enough... that's it.. I'm not good enough... just not good enough.. that's maybe the very good reason that you leave..
I try to faced my reality.. I try to accept the fact that I won't be with you anymore... Despite all those things.. I turn to God on this.. At the end of every prayers.. I ask God to protect you in wutever situation you are in.. I ask HIM to make you strong mentally and physically.. I ask HIM to bring back your confidence in yourself.. I ask HIM if there's any chance for you to be with me again.. I hope I would have you safely back... as I always says to you that I love to see you peacefully sleep and safe near me .. and now I thought my prayers had been answers..
That night at midst morning..we were sms-ing each other.. patiently waiting for answers for every questions.. I can't really sleep... my heart was beating hard.. I was anxious for every reply…
It was a good start and suddenly I feel it was all over...
you told me that night that you don't wanna make people suffer.. you don't want people to take trouble over you.. you don't wanna hurt anybody..you better off dying... you said IT WAS A MISTAKE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME AGAIN...
Ohh man...how wrong you are to think like that... I can't explain it over the sms.. just don't be misunderstood... Maybe I was too straightforward.. maybe my words was too harsh... I was letting it all out... so hear me out baby out
- No.. I don't hate you.. (believe me, I don't)
- Yes.. I would like to see you again.. (that would be a miracle if you want to see me too..)
- Yes.. you are important to me damn it..
- Yes.. you make me happy.. your presence does (don't take that away from me!)
- Yes.. you have make mistake.. ( I make mistake too so does everybody.. we are not saints!)
- Yes.. I trust you! (with all my life...)
- Yes.. you need to be strong..
- Yes.. I still believe in you..
- Yes.. I know maybe you don't have the same feelings that I have for you.. (it's okay.... I'll still be here for you.. always..)
There I've said it.. it's all out.. Talk to me..see me.. give me a chance.. I knew you too well..
If I ever hurt you that night-mid morning.. then I'm truly sorry.. Sorry from the bottom of my heart... I know you would not talk to me… I can’t make you.. I won't force you in anyway
now it's all left to you.. it's your choice..
If you are ready to talk.. you know where to find me.. I'll be waiting... that’s my part of the promise…
It's all up to you now...
I'm SORRY again... please forgive me...
CINTA strikes back
08.26.04 (12:31 pm) [edit]Expect the unexpected…. that one fine day has come… my CINTA strikes back…
It was
I heard “Yellow” on the phone.. it was awkward..I was scared.. I thought I was just hearing things..I was wrong..totally wrong.. it was CINTA…
I had a mix feelings about it.. I don’t really know wut to do… I answer the phone.. it was disconnected.. I was having a cringe in my stomach.. I was lost for words..
wut would I say?..
wut would he say?..
I just gave him a message.. a simple one.. asking if did he really called me just now…
A few hours later he replied… Yes he did. I was totally confused….confused that I didn’t know wut else to do.. I was pretty much blur… should I be happy or should I be sad & grumpy.. I don’t know wut to do.. it’s better for me to just shut my eyes and sleep.. but I do feel cold occasionally.. I feel totally weird of the whole situation.. I thought I would just sleep off and for get all about it.. BUT I COULDN’T…
In the midst of morning, we went on sms-es frenzy..
- he told me that he was LOST..
- told him to get a grip of his life..
- he told me he was upset..
- he told me he regret that he had hurt me..
- I told him he need to get back to his feet..
- I told him that I was pissed off with the situation…
- I told him who wasn’t pissed off?..
- he told me he was sorry..
- he told me he was sad that I blame him for everything..
- I told him I didn’t blame him..
- I told him shit happens..
- I told him he was important..
- He told me he was better off dying…
- I told him that I always pray for him..
- I told him to hang on..
- I TOLD HIM I LOVE HIM…
I was scared.. I was happy that he is alive.. I really want to meet up with him.. I like to hug him and be with him again… I knew why he called me… He was lost.. his friends left him… He knows I’m right there for him… he knows I’ll always be there no matter wut happens…
I'm here... always have and always will
May The Force Be With Me and Him
Peanut Butter Chocolate Spread
08.25.04 (7:54 pm) [edit]hmmm... it's end of the month and I'm practically going broke...
luckily we have the spread stock up in the IT cupboard... yummyyy... peanut butter chocolate spread really taste good with a high fiber bread... (those fatty thingy really feels good...arghh I can't handle it.. well I have too.. need the energy for multitasking)...
I was really bored today.. nothing much to do... Alang, my good friend was not around.. she went out to take the SPA test thingy.. I hope she make it... she deserves a new job like me... hiihihihih....
So take care adios... it's 6pm.. I have to go
Multitasking Shitties
08.24.04 (8:12 pm) [edit]It's 6pm... I'm waiting to go home.. can't wait to go as I type this out.. today was kinda ok... just a little bit tired with all the graduation preparation thingy...
yeah me and my hommies here (my gurls...) we are multitasking.... we do almost everything here... you just name it.. we've done it.. let me just make a list of what we have done all these time in the office.
- Teaching/Lecturing (main job- main responsibilities)
- Prepare notes/questions (elective responsibilities)
- Administration work (sometimes we do lend a helping hand..)
- Cleaning (we "help" the cleaner MOST of the time...)
- Customer Service (we handle all the student-parents-nagging-d isatisfied-wuthet**tisthe y talkingabout)
- Loan officer (we collect debts from you know who)
- Typing (do other people's work..some seniors are lazy ass..)
- A lot more.......
tiring...tiring..tiring
Haven't You Heard of Multitasking??----> from that cheesy TMnet advert.. ihihih
So adios.. I have to go
I need a lot of rest to start the multitasking the next day...
Tantalizing Weekends.. & Everybody Are Getting Married
08.23.04 (6:45 pm) [edit]My weekends was cool.. I have so much time to rest and relax.. ( I think that was what all I did anyway..ihihi).
Yezzaaa... I've done my 2 days of fasting and 3 days more to go.. yahoo.. But next week I can't be doing it 'cause of Nina's wedding and my "ACTORLYMPICS" theat re galore... shucks I can't wait...
Gosh... Nina.. my old pal.. my kindergarten buddy.. she's getting married next week.. I'm so happy for her BUT still I can't believe it.. I met her yesterday and she says that it was all like a dream... even she can't believe it... how can I right??... she look so happy and calm yesterday.. in her face I did see that she's eager to be with the man that she loves.. lucky her she found that someone.. I've met her husband-to-be before.. a nice and a soft spoken gentlement... I know he would take good care of her... I wish Nina & Azrul all the best for their future undertakings....
"marriage"... sheshh everybody are doing it.. it's like a TREND or some sort... it's making me cringe with jeolousy...
I'm always invited to other people's wedding.. so the question is when can I invite my friends TO MY WEDDING....
arghhhhh...life is NOT fair.....
unlucky me.. I can't even hear my bells ringing yet..
don't think it would ring in another few years also...it's made me sad somehow... everybody else tends to end up with their love ones and my love one was no where to be found...
he loves being in the HIBERNATION stage... that was his choice and I have all the respect for him.. so CINTA if you read this just....
"Let It Be" like the Beatles always says...
And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Yeah
There will be an answer, let it be.
There would be the definite answer......just Let It Be baby... Let It Be
Luv yaa,
The Usual Friday
08.20.04 (7:55 pm) [edit]It has been the usual Friday... everybody was so energertic.. yeah.. energetic for the upcoming weekend.. everybody was planning to do sumthing..
I plan to buy my dose of theater ticket. But there would be a big problem.. I had a BIG fight with my brother and it ain't pretty.. he done it again... I've been so bored with this fighting thingy.. really.. I'm so bored of it... we are having the SILENT TREATMENT... again!... hate it! hate it! hate it!
Hope I could reconcile with him by today.... that's my Friday goal..
Tomorrow I would do my fasting replacement... 5 days more to go..
See yaa....
p.s: pray for me!
An Encounter With A Stranger
08.19.04 (8:01 pm) [edit]It’s Thursday… the fourth day of the week already… I do feel that this week just fly by me.. feel like there’s nothing interesting happened. But today was different then any other day… today I had a call from an anonymous caller which he says that he was my admirer… sheshh… I do have an admirer now??... why do people want to admire me for godsakes…. That was pretty weird and funny.. so the call when like this:
(The conversation was pure Malay but I prefer to convert it.. so the whole thing goes like this….)
Mrs. June & nbsp; &n bsp; : Teddy.. there’s an incoming call for you..
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Ok thanks.
(Teddy pick up the phone on the other available line… it’s lunch time.. of course it’s not peak hours. So the conversation began…)
& nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; ; Hello…
Mr. Anonymous : Hi. Have you eaten yet?
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : No not yet. I’m going to buy some fruits a few minutes on.
(Mr. Anonymous voice seems so familiar… like the voice of an ex-student that I have.. so Teddy just went on and talk to this guy.)
Mr. Anonymous : Are you on diet or something?
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Me..on diet?.. You must have the wrong person…
(Teddy chuckles…Teddy still talks as if that Mr. Anonymous was her previous student..)
Mr. Anonymous : You laugh like my sister…
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Ohh really… wutever
Mr. Anonymous : So when are you going to eat?.. R u going now?.. Where are you gonna have your lunch?
& nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; ; (Teddy feels a little bit weird and suspects that this is NOT her student anymore but she has lots of doubts… the voice is so damn familiar.. Teddy feels so reluctant to talk..)
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Who are you and where did you get my number?
(Teddy was getting a li’l bit mad as Teddy hates to be in doubts…)
Mr. Anonymous : I’ve found your number and I really wanted to get to know you even better…
& nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; & nbsp; (Teddy was in a freaking mood…Teddy was scared.. Teddy had a STALKER problem…)
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Ohh man.. this is so funny and weird… tell me the truth where did u get my number…
Mr. Anonymous : From a friend…
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : You must be lying… I have to go.
(Teddy never gave her office number to any of her friend.. they will have her phone number.)
Mr. Anonymous : Please give me another contact number so that I can call you later.
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : You wanna call me just use the office phone ok.. I don’t give out numbers to strangers… Hey man… I have to go…
Mr. Anonymous : When can I call you?
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Perhaps
Mr. Anonymous : Bye.
Sir Floppy & nbsp; : & nbsp; &n bsp; Teddy.. there’s Azrul here wants to talk to you…
(Sir Floppy hands out the phone over…so the stalker has a name.. and it is Azrul)
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Hi there…
Mr. Anonymous : Hello… have you eaten you fruits yet?..
(sheshhh.. Teddy feels like someone was watching over her right now… Teddy had a wryly smile on her face…)
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Yeah.. So your name is Azrul.. am I right?
Mr. Anonymous : Yes.. I’m Azrul. Nice to meet you. So when can I have your phone number?
(Teddy cuts it short as she remembers that she had this kind of conversation earlier…)
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : So can u tell me where the HELL that you get my number from?
Mr. Anonymous : Is your birthday on XX on the XXXXX month. I found your number on the street.
(Teddy phreaks… he’s correct… he has the hold of my I/C number… sheshhh.. Teddy stay calm..)
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Nope..it is not correct. So Azrul.. where did you get my number actually ‘cause I’m really interested to know it… wow.. you did say that you’ve found it on the street..
Mr. Anonymous : Actually I accidentally stumbled on your number crumpled like a ball by the street in front of RHB.
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Why did you pick it up?... you pick rubbish for a living??...
Mr. Anonymous : Nope. Something fell out of my pocket. So I just scooped it with me.
(Teddy feels like he’s a crazy-sexual-predator looking for new victim..)
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : So interesting.. What else did you scoop up?
Mr. Anonymous : Your heart…
(ohh.. shoot.. Teddy just got her a lover boy… and Teddy hates all this mushy lovey-dovey stuffs…)
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Oh crap… just stop doing that… that is so LAME…
Mr. Anonymous : It’s true.. I just love your name and I would really like to know you more..
(Suddenly Teddy feels panic and starts to bombard him with lots of questions…)
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : How old are you?.. Where do you work?.. Where are you right now?.. What the HELL are you doing with your life?
Mr. Anonymous : Ok… if you don’t want me to call you just say so… I’ve found your number and I feel like I want to know you.. That’s all.. No other intention.
(Teddy feels a bit sorry for Mr. Anonymous.. Teddy has a weak-softie heart.. Teddy change the subject.)
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : This is so weird and funny… How old are you anyway? Are you 18?
Mr. Anonymous : Nah.. I’m already 27.
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : You sound so like a teenager… I have to go. I have work to do..
Mr. Anonymous : When can I have your phone number?…
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Not in a million years.. Bye.
(He just call again….. he was addicted to Teddy…)
Mr. Anonymous : Is this Teddy?
Teddy & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; : Ohh man.. u said you won’t call again.. wut happened?
Mr. Anonymous : I don’t know… I feel so addicted to your voice..
The conversation lead to no where but he still wants to chat up… I was bored... so it went on.. told him I was big as a house.. he told me he was a cleaner so I told him I make tea for a living… he told me this.. I tells him that..it was pure lie after lie… he wants my phone but end up on getting my email address… that’s about it…
p.s: We had the same Sir name..hiihih… ironically
Today is Friday and Friday I’m in love….
08.13.04 (8:09 pm) [edit]Today is Friday and Friday I’m in love….
I still remember the journey back and fourth to Gombak with CINTA.. every Friday after his class he would play this song for me… it was kinda corny at first but it was kinda cool when I’ve listen to it repeatedly… the words is so simple and the melody is catchy.. but it’s very MEANINGFUL.. I love it.. so I wanted to share the love with all of you out there….
i don't care if monday's blue
tuesday's grey and wednesday too
thursday I don't care about you
it's friday i'm in love
monday you can fall apart
tuesday wednesday break my heart
thursday doesn't even start
it's friday i'm in love
saturday wait
and sunday always comes too late
but friday never hesitate...
i don't care if monday's black
tuesday wednesday heart attack
thursday never looking back
it's friday i'm in love
monday you can hold your head
tuesday wednesday stay in bed
or thursday watch the walls instead
it's friday i'm in love
saturday wait
and sunday always comes too late
but friday never hesitate...
dressed up to the eyes
it's a wonderful surprise
to see your shoes and your spirits rise
throwing out your frown
and just smiling at the sound
and as sleek as a shriek
spinning round and round
always take a big bite
it's such a gorgeous sight
to see you in the middle of the night
you can never get enough
enough of this stuff
it's friday
i'm in love
p.s: too bad there's no sample for all of you to hear it.. but u can see the video on Yahoo! Music.
Eat Till We Drop
08.13.04 (6:52 pm) [edit]Yesterday.. all my troubles seems so far away......
oppsiee... yesterday was my brother's birthday.. he turned 10 and he was happy... really happy.. Mak Yang treat him for a birthday buffet at
I was a bit late.. so they did START to enjoy the food without me.. sheshh.. don't talk about family values when there's scrumpous food involved.... hiihihihihih
So lets get ready to eat until we drop...............
What I had on my plate yesterday:
1st HELPING
· & nbsp; 1 scoop of rice
· & nbsp; Black pepper meat
· & nbsp; Shrimp ball with white sauce
· & nbsp; Chicken ala Villanueva ---> I can't remember the right spelling but heck it was good.
· & nbsp; Soft tofu
· & nbsp; Sweet & sour fish dish
2nd HELPING (Deli Meats Gala)
· & nbsp; Slices of Sweet Chicken Ham
· & nbsp; Slices of Cold Cuts
· & nbsp; Shrimp Cocktails + tar tar sauce + thousand island sauce
· & nbsp; 1/2 scoop of chicken salad
· & nbsp; Slices of Salmon bits (yucks big time)
· & nbsp; Slices of fish bits (yucks big time)
3rd HELPING
& nbsp; &n bsp; Ice-cream mounted with multiple scoops of chocolate rice (yummylicious…)
I feel so bloated and can’t breath well after those meals..sheshh.. my bad..my bad.. there goes my diet regime…hiihhiihih…..
But everybody was so happy yesterday… and I’m so happy too… my brother had a great birthday.. priceless….
All Grown Up
08.12.04 (12:31 pm) [edit]:lol:
"Happy Birthday To You, &nb sp; &nbs p; ; & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; ; & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; Happy Birthday To You, &nb sp; &nbs p; ; & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; ; & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; ; & nbsp; &n bsp; Happy Birthday To Izhar, & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; ; & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; ; & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; ; Happy Birthday To You."
Waheyy..my li'l brother turn 10 today. Gosh how time flies..
I was 14 when he came into this world and I still remember those time when I had to be the BIG sister and took care of him...(I still am & getting good at it.) Now..he's all grown up and getting bigger and bigger everyday.
I would describe him as a funny-cute-dreamy-lovable -adorable-pampered-someti mes annoying-laugh a lot-movie buff-PS2 addict-disney channel junkie-kinda boy.
My brother is quite cheeky and gifted. Yeah he's name says it all, "A Gift". Sort of like Anakin..ihhihi.. yeah right!..
He's so different in his own way.. he's very particular and keen about ALMOST everything.. a very DETAILED person.. that is his STRONGEST points.. he was an active member of the Red Cresent Club... he loves to participate in school activities (campings, educational trips..etc...) sometimes you won't believe the words uttered from his mouth.. quite flattering and amazing.. I was amazed by his knowledge on a certain subject..
he's a natural born leader.. and it shows in his every moves... but maybe he didn't realise it yet.. He's way was too matured for his own age.. yeah that's why he preferred to hang out with older crowd... BUT he's still young and naive... and still growing up.. he needs to be a child once in a while. (He annoys me with his antics when he gets really bored and has nothing else to do.. I'm his primary target!.. hiihihihih)
I don't really know wut to get him for his birthday.. I have no CLUE.. but I've read that there's a really cool theatre coming up this end of August called "ACTORLYMPICS 2004".. and I would really like to take him to watch that show. Yeah that would be a good exposure for him in the local theatre..
So today is his big day.. I wish him all the best and I pray for his success. I love yaa...
The One Where I Missed My Biggie
08.10.04 (8:14 pm) [edit]Last weekend was a total wreck... (and I sacrifice my BIGGIE for it...)
Saturday me and my collegue visited the booth site.. the so-called booth site was an opened space and there was nothing there to help us in decorating it.. sheshh.. wut a total blunder (there was 3 of us there and we haven't got a clue wut to do... yeah as usual we have a minimal budget for it...) so with our dedication towards the booth.. we work overtime..set up the booth.. make it nicer... so we spent about a few hours to buy stuffs and decorate the place.. it was ok consider that the place was a total wreck at first... we finished the job at about 1am... very much tiring...
Yeah..yeah.. then come Sunday (the day that I supposed to do my BIG WALK thingy).. had to wake up early... slept at 3.45a.m.. I did some preparation for it.. the Youth Day was a disaster for me and my friends... we did not have fun at all.. there was nothing there.. the food was bad.. we've heard that one of the minister would be there.. well that person didn't came at all..(guess he must be having a blast sleeping or even he went to the BIGGIE..ihihhi).. one heck of a boring event... there goes my weekend...
Sheshh...my mood was going bad to worse.... then one bad-mouth-mother-fudging lecturer complaints that he can do better on the decorative parts... He was cussing around... telling people that we've done a bad job... that wasn't so nice
well fudge him... we've spent the whole night there... where the HELL is he last night huhh??.. some people can't keep their mouth shut... he's WORDS really hurts me and my friend damn A LOT... I'm gonna talk to my boss personally about this guy's attitude...
He's attitude was going damn too far and he knows it.... it's time for him to know that he's wrong.... Other people has feelings too...
Respect others thy others respect you..
Technical Emergency..
08.06.04 (1:20 pm) [edit]Ohh man... one misery after another....
My buddy Nazri called me just now.. and he's a confirmed dengue fever carrier.. damn... it's been a while I haven't cry like that... sheshh... He called to informed me about that.. while waiting for the ambulance to pick him up.... sheshh...
He's been through hell all these years.. I just hope that... One Fine Day he would regain his confidence again and back to his feet...
BUT for now.. I'm praying hard that he would be ok... just hold on..
The One Where I have to FORGET MY DREAM...
08.06.04 (12:22 pm) [edit]I had a leave yesterday 'cause my legs are hurting me like hell... I feel like my knee cap was going to dislocate again... yeah again people!... I had experienced that painful tragedy when I was in Form 5.. I was preparing for teachers day.. doing the Power Rangers stunt...arghhhh.. then just suddenly I fell and couldn't feel my legs...sheshhh... I don't want that to happened again... so people.. the "DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME" caption is really true after all... hihiihihihhiih
hmmm... I had to work this Sunday.. that means I had to FORGET about my Malay Mail Big Walk event... yeah!.. yeah!.. you might be thinking that why I am so frustrated for A SMALL MATTER like this???... work comes first right???...
WRONG!
damn I've waited for this event for quite a long time.. since I was a Secondary student... so with the BIG BLOW working on Sunday really breaks my heart... it's like waiting for my dream to pass me by... imagined waiting for sumthing for so damn long and just suddenly when you had a chance to do it, sumthing else crosses your way and you ca't get out of it...
okies... I know...people might say that I'm not healthily fit right now to do the walk (inconjuction with my knees).. but people... I'm so determined... I've waited for this for so long.. sheshhh.... I was so sad yesterday.. sad!.. sad!..sad!
My company had rent an education booth this Sunday and all lecturers had to participate.. that's my obligation.. to set up the booth.. no question asked..that means I had to go to... shit.... ohh yeah.. I have to OBEY.. my superior had given the ORDERS... no question asked.. that's the way the world works..
that's my nature.. for-the-sake-of-the-compa ny-I'll-do-anything-attit ude. A sacrifice that I have to make.. I'm hoping that it will worth it.. every minute of it... I'm a dedicated person to my work.. I'm not selling my self out.. but guess I am that way.. born to be nice to everyone.. (yeah right!!.. hiihihih)
I'm so confuse about my RIGHTS as a staff. I don't like to be manipulated.. I don't like to pretend to love doing sumthing that I hate to do... alright.. I don't want things to get UGLY.. so maybe... just maybe act like I'm loving it maybe would ease my mind for a while.
I'm so SICK of it right now... my mind and my heart are clashing with my working protocols right now.. I don't really know wut to do.. I don't even know wut's right and wut's wrong right now??... I'm in a fudging dilemma right now... the power to choose is on someone elses hand right now...
The truth is IF "they" pay a little more attention to "our" hard work & dedication.. these feelings of doubts would NOT emerged..
"We" are hungry for a fair treatment.. I realised it for a long time right now.. BUT nobody bothers about it...
I'm learning from my mistakes and I'm getting good at it..
I'm making my move... that's a promise that I make for myself.. call me anything that you want...
but from now on I'm taking charged of my own path...
Neglect Mode
08.03.04 (6:37 pm) [edit]It's been like almost forever that I've neglect my blog... I'm pretty much busy with work and my students.. yeah.. I'm still complaining about my job...
I went through my second interview today... what can I say but alhamdulillah it went alright... I just have to go through one final stage before I get accepted... it wasn't that easy to get into an established company with lots of protocol to cater...
I just can't wait for the final interview stage.. I'm meeting the CEO personally sort of like a "getting-to-know-you" session... I'm a bit scared cause he's a mat salleh...ihhiih.. with deep Aussie accent.. hopefully I would do well in that session...
hmm last Saturday when to the dentist for checkup... it's been ages I haven't been to one.. quite scared of the dentist results... it turns out that my wisdom tooth grows uncorrectly on my gums... sheshhh... had to go for a mouth x-ray in Glenn Eagles. Then I had to make another appointment for a dental surgery..sheshhh.. if I didn't go for that surgery I would have a big problem.. I'm scared....
But I won't have that surgery near now.... I have lots of activities to attend to....
On the 8 August - [b]Malay Mail Big Walk[/b]
On the 15 August - [b]Hoobastank Concert[/b]
The remaining weeks of August - [b]BIG CEO interview[/b]
damn... this month is really a busy month for me...
God help me... give me a lot of patience and strength