My achy.. breaky... body
06.29.04 (8:03 pm) [edit]My body really aches today..the result of sleeping on the floor for a bout a week right now.... damn.. it hurts everywhere...
So take care people....
I'll be back soon....
It's Monday and I have nothing much to say....
06.28.04 (8:30 pm) [edit]It's Monday and I have nothing much to say.... as the title says...
My weekend is not sumthing that I can be proud of… I slept almost throughout the day.. seeing my brother’s eyes.. ohh man… a pair of eyes can tell so much stories.. and in this case it’s pain in the ass…. I know the feeling of being rejected… but hey… I still survive to tell my story…
I just hang out upstairs in my not-yet-completed room and play PS2 games, Amplitude and Shrek 2.. my room colour is Corny Yellow.. kinda nice.. feel like I’m all wrap in butter…ihihihhi… yummy.. it’s soothing and bright… I like it a lot…. My room is now totally big… yeah.. I’m kinda afraid to sleep alone… have to ask my li’l bro to accompany me… sheshhh there goes my so-called privacy… we were sleeping like living in a squatter house.. cramming our feet on the cupboard and stuffs… (I haven’t got the chance to clean up my room yet…).. gosh I have lots of stuffs to throw out… I’ve been living with garbage all this while…ihihihhiih (hey…I’m all still sweet)
My brother will change his college today... and I hope everything will turn out alright for him... (yeah I know.. there would be lots of protocol...lots of it).. but he will survive... he will...
I had a tiring day... arghhhh... my students act up like shit today... damn... why..ohh...why..it should happened today???.... on my Monday???.....
gosh... I try so hard to be considerate... yeah I try so hard to manage my anger... yeah.. thankfully I did...
I see my students as my own sister/brother... I don't wanna just rambling & mumbling about their behaviours...
hell.. it's boring... (hate it when my lecturer do so!)
maybe thay also have a bad weekend like me... hmmm... I gave them another.. I mean one last chance... to do the presentation all over again....
when I was in college.. no one ever gave me the taste of the term "[b]another chance[/b]"... never.. I'm gonna give my student a taste of it... Yeah.. I know.. there is pros and cons by doing this.... but we learn by making mistakes... that's the only way... i'm gonna give them a chance that they can feel [u]worth while[/u] & [u]valuable[/u]....
hmmm... at the end of the day... I do feel a bit tinge of happiness... yeahhhhh... got my claim today after about 4 months of waiting.... damn.. I'm too patience....
hmm... I've been thinking??....
am I too sugary-sweet- nice?????...
am I too nice for people to take advantage of me??....
did I let this to happened??...
[b]damn... damn... damn... [/b]
guess....I am too nice(add up a li'l bit lazy too)... hiihi.....
take care people...
have a nice day!
The thing called FATE
06.25.04 (6:53 pm) [edit][b]"Fate or takdir…
Does fate opens up future???....
Does we generate our own fate?..
Is fate too cruel???...
Fate is a test they say…
I’ve learnt that fate is sumthing that we have to accept..
Either if it's good or bad...
it's the ultimate test of FAITH and BELIEVE
shall you be safe when you are on the right path..
shall you be broken if otherwise....."[/b]
Damn… does our life story is full of turbulence??… I had encounter a few today.....
[b]Early Morning[/b]
Today I found out that trouble is coming on my way… on my path… got a bad news about my office… sumthing happened (betrayal thingy)…
so maybe… just maybe… me and all my colleagues are gonna be out of our job soon…. That’s pretty bad I guess…
Called my mum.. told her about the news and she sounds so worried… she advised me to stay calm and try to find a new job.. yeah I’m gonna do just that… maybe it’s just my [u][b]FATE[/b][/u] not to be here anymore…
[b]In The Midday[/b]
Got a call from one of my good fwen, G-Jane. She lost her child due of the stopping of the child’s heartbeat.. gosh… it must be a painful experience for her… she told me that she already cried a few days and she doesn’t have the energy to cry anymore…
told her it’s ok… it’s [b][u]FATE[/u][/b]..
I’m glad that she’s alright… (G, I know u would be a good mother and I would be a good aunty someday.. can't wait for that day to come...)….
[b]So later that day[/b]
Got a call from my mum… now it’s about my brother… the head of his school called my mum and said that they are sorry to say that they can’t accept my brother here because of his qualifications... (alright.. he’s BM paper was the culprit)…. So he would be transferred to another the same college but in a different location...
I say wut the heck is going on??..
that’s the most weirdest thing that I’ve ever heard considering that:
1. he was accepted to that particular school with an official enrollment letter…
2. my parents already paid all the fees and yeah..
3. Ironically he was already 2 weeks there….
He just started to make new friends and ready to start a new life as a college student there… Damn.. how can they make such mistakes????.... How can they accept him at the first place???... Didn’t they check their databases first??.... arghhhhh…..
This is really cruel to my brother and my parents… for God sakes… he even went to the National Service… can’t someone back him up??.... I was broken hearted… How can they treat a person like this????...
My mum would be really devastated… she thought that after receiving the offer letter, my brother will begin a new chapter of his life…
I’ve talked to her just now… she seems to control her emotions on the phone….but deep down inside I know that her heart is crush.. so does my dad if he knows it...
My dad is in JB right now… he’ll be coming back tomorrow… it is best to tell him tomorrow not today… the idea of him rushing back here from JB tonite is not wut my mum and me had in mind… just wait for tomorrow I guess…
Goshh… I’m kinda worried about my bro… he would feel awkward… he would feel left out right now… I hope he can think straight…and not to hurt himself.. god forbid..(gosh me and my imaginations)… damn… I hope he will be safely backed home and maybe I can talk to him later… It’s [b]FATE [/b]again I guess…
Life is unfair…
I already know that…
if it’s all sweet and fair then they would be no heaven nor earth..
life is about challenges…
The strong will survive and the weak will be left behind.. there’s a lot of obstacles in life..
sooner or later we have to face it…
eventhough u like it or not...
U HAVE TO FACE IT..
this is about our believe and our endurance…
it’s a test..
[b]I still believe strongly that if a door tends to shut behind you.. there's another door will be open.. God is great.. believe that...[/b]
Hold on my brother... just hold on... this is a rough ride that we have to encounter as a union.. don't be scared.. you won't be alone... mom and dad.. our family will back you 100%....
Be strong...................
Baby... Light My Fire
06.24.04 (7:53 pm) [edit][b]The Scenario:[/b]
While watching the [u]World Idols[/u] a couple months back:
"So now ladies and gentlement... it's Will Young's (U.K Idol) with Light My Fire"..........
[b]"You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl, we couldn't get much higher"
"Come on baby, light my fire
Come on baby, light my fire
Try to set the night on fire"[/b]
Gosh... Will sounded so mellow and he's voice is kinda how should I say this... not-suitable-for-my-ears- thingy... damn.. I do think he chooses a bad song...
[b]BUT[/b]
... hey wait the minute..
something tick me....the song sounded so damn familiar.. I mean the lyrics... it was the same lyric/song that I've heard over and over in CINTA's car... it was from The Doors.. yeah that's it.. [b]THE DOORS[/b]...
it was originally sung by Jim... [b]Jim Morrison[/b].. his sultry sexy voice gives the song lots of meaningful energies... I mean WAYYYYY much better than Will's rendition... Will's version sucks big time... he just ruined a really good song there... Jim would be so furios if he heard it... hiihihih
[u][b]Back to the present Thursday evening:[/b][/u]
I found an article about Jim Morrison in the Malay Mail a few days ago.. but only yesterday I’ve got the chance to read it.
So who is Jim Morrison?? And why do people all over the world worship him even though he was a tortured, confused, brilliant, and a desperate soul. How does this young man gave so much impact to people… I'm confused...
So this picture that I'm seeing on the walls of most records store is actually Jimmy himself. He has this really sharp chiseled features on his face, a quite good looking man. He looks yummy… I’ve heard about him mostly from CINTA and he really admires this lead singer of The Doors.
Through reading, I found out that Jim was actually a sensitive and shy guy and enjoys his private life; ironically he was wild and uninhibited on stage. His music was about [u]sex, death, revolt, and it was so in touch with the dark side of human nature [/u]that it frightened many - especially parents in the 60's.
For his fans, though, Jim was a visionary, a spiritual leader destined to liberate man from authority and oppression - in many ways the embodiment of everything the 60s stood for.
This guy’s lead a tragic life.. he died of a young age (27yrs old to be exact)... no one really knows the cause of his death... I've read that the combination of drugs and alcohol makes his heart stops and blood are spewing out from his mouth and nose... he was in pain until he died... poor guy... alone in the bath tub and left to die... he must be scared.. hell... I cried for a while... just imagined the stuffs that he's gone through... he was in pain till the end......
he said in one of his concerts that he was not loved enough when he was a child… his parents neglect him.. he tried his best to survive on his own.. he try to be himself... all he wanted was freedom... someone to love him and for him to love back... and he did make an impact to this world...damn.. he died too early.... he didn't know.. he was a legacy...
I found this Jim Morisson's quotes and it's very inspiring and truthful.... I'm gonna share it with all of you out there...
[b]"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."[/b]
[b]"That's what real love amounts to- letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act- and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession."[/b]
"I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and gasps, "Oh look at that!" Then - whoosh, and I'm gone... and they'll never see anything like it ever again... and they won't be able to forget me - ever."- Jim Morrison
Yeah Jim… I just read those stuffs about you and I do admire your strength. I won't forget u...
Peace, love and sympathy....
[i]Dedicated to the one who introduce me to the world of Jim Morrison's song... you know who u r....[/i]
How I Do Wish that.................
06.23.04 (7:25 pm) [edit]How do I wish my CINTA would sing this song for me..
I'm dying to hear it....
Baby... sing for me as u use tooo...
[b]Hoobastank[/b]
Title: [u]The Reason[/u]
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
[b]I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you[/b]
[u]I'm sorry that I hurt you[/u]
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
[u]I never meant to do those things to you[/u]
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
This stalker of mine wants to be famous... ex-stalker
06.23.04 (5:08 pm) [edit]So there... I've been stalked by this guy for about 4 days right now.
Yeah I know who he is right now....
I asked for him to stop but he doesn't want to...
I'm gonna publish his number here..
so you guys out there help me out and stalked him for a change.
:arrow: [b]+6012***4140[/b]
thank you for helping me..... make this stalker famous..
p.s: this blog has published that person's full number for a mere 8 minutes... he did freaked out and yeah as usual.. I was being a softie and cover his numbers out.. hiihhihihiihihih
[b]sorry dude... you asked for it[/b]
Teddydeath, OUT!
06.22.04 (8:29 pm) [edit]It’s already 6 pm… I wonder why I am still in the office… (usually I was the first one out).. wut the heck… the internet service is better at this hour… so I just wanna hang around for a while… just for a while….
Today was ok… I wasn’t stressed out.. my mind is in a mild state.. my diet regime is going slowly and steadily…. I want this to be a healthy thing… I want this regime to be a long term thingy…. but I must keep one thing in mind… I don’t want to jeopardize myself by damaging myself… I’m not interested in doing any starvation or even throwing up after meals… na ahhh… that’s not me…
I love my body… In wutever condition it is in right now… I still have [b]full respect[/b] on it...don’t take it personal… I do owe myself a new healthy one… that’s my ultimate goal this year… so people… by the end of December… I hope I will emerged with a NEW look… so watch out babeh….
This is my time to take [b]action[/b] as it speaks louder than words...... I am the gurl with the words and the action... hihiihihhihiih
That’s about it.. till I see u all tomorrow… so adios…
As Ryan Seacrest always say….
:arrow: T.E.D.D.Y.D.E.A.T.H OUT! ( it’s my version..ihihhihi)
Quotes of The Day: "Try not. Do or do not. There is no try."
06.21.04 (7:05 pm) [edit]Heyaa…it’s Monday again and I’m all pretty much tired. Feel like I’m gonna be sick but yeah I’m holding on… arghhhh.. there’s not much to wrap about my weekends…
there’s nothing much to say anyway…
Today,.. there was a BIG propaganda in my office.. but I’m not gonna detailed it out cause it’s kinda private.. everybody was quite confuse and scared at the same time.. pretty much fed up… I don’t care much as long it doesn’t concern me… sometimes hypocrite is a good thing…..
well the internet connection was kinda good nowadays.. they need me to complaint.. and complaint.. and complaint… then they fix it up… I’m the only person who is brave enough to just knock on the technician… damn.. I’m giving myself a bad name…but who cares…. I’m doing a great job myself.. so no worries about that….
Hmmm… I was browsing around the web today for dieting tips… been reading on what’s best for me.. I’m gonna start my health regime... I have too… it’s for my own good anyway…
It’s hard to be the state that I am in now… I’m not fit.. I’m prone to sickness.. and I’m not in a shape that I’m proud of… gosh… why?..oh..damn..why??.. my appetite is so damn high… I can’t even control it… it’s been controlling my body and my mind for so long…
I need a [b]revolution[/b]… I need a lot of [b]MOTIVATION[/b]…. I need to be true to myself… I need to get a healthier body… a healthier mind and soul…
I don’t believe it if an [u]overweight [/u]person says that they are really happy with their body.... damn they can be [u]sweet liars[/u]… tends to keep their feelings inside…
[b]THE MAIN REASON IS - JUST TO BE ACCEPTED IN THIS CRUEL WORLD [/b]where the teeny tiny people are considered perfect..
deep inside as a normal person.. they crave a new lean body and tend to get pretty much jealous with those who had perfect ones…
it’s natural… people don’t wanna feel rejected or left out…. I understand it pretty much.. well I’m accepted and people do respect me. Outside I can be cheerful and have lots of confidence but deep down inside I’m just trapped… I’m not really happy… who am I kidding but myself right??...
Sometimes it hurts when there’s no clothes size to choose.. did u guys ever realise that the clothes are getting tinier and tinier???... I can't even get it thru my head...damn...I get jealouse on seeing my friends look beautiful in their kebaya's.. I do feel a bit sad… sad that I can’t look pretty in it…. I love to wear one… but God forbid.. not now...( are you kidding me??... with all the excess fat dangling around... ihihih) ....I want to FIT in the kebaya nicely and look flawlessly good in it…
[b]that’s my ultimate dream really… it’s time for me to achieve this.[/b]
Been to my family doctor and he says that to achieve my goals and to be in a good proportion I have to loose about [b]20kg[/b]. (Damn... imagine that’s 2 big bag of rice)… goshhh… well I’m guessing it will take a lot of time..but I must be patience…
this is my time… I have to start now of never… I have to take this chance… taking this regime one step at a time.. that’s my promise to myself… “Right Teddy… we are on the right path… just follow the force"..
:wink: I owe myself a BIG change… :wink:
p.s:
"When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not." --Yoda to Luke
The Whole Week Round Out: 1st Part
06.18.04 (12:59 pm) [edit]:evil:
Arghhhhh... the internet service in my office has gone mad... it hurts my head when I don't write sumthing nowadays......and ohhhh I miss my blog so much....
I have to round out everything that had happened to me for the whole week... so bear with me...
Here goes nothing...
[u][b]14/6/04[/b][/u]
Yesterday was a bummer.. I had lots of work to do as I am now the Head of the Graduation thingy… damn all the preparation seems so hard… but with the helps of my colleague I hope everything would go smoothly as plan… gosh.. I have to really plan this.. I’m in a wreck… I didn’t have a chance to post my blog yesterday.. another double bummer…
I have to wake early today.. really early… hey wait a minute.. did I even sleep?... feel I’m just starting to lay my head on my pillow just now… ohhh wut the heck.. It’s time for me to go to work… well it’s Tuesday and I’m gonna catch things up on the last 4 days that I gone.
[b]Saturday[/b]
Still had the “mizzunderstodz” moment… I don’t know how things will go… hope it will be ok soon…
Had a first glance on Malaysian Idol… it was truly funny.. but the host is not… the combination between Malay and English is kinda odd.. the presenter don’t compliment each other… the presentation of the show really much sucks… gosh.. don’t even start on the outside audio… it’s pretty much damaged the show… the selection of the 3 judges seems quite ok.
1. Roslan Aziz a.k.a Randy
- Roslan had been in the Malaysian Music industry for a long time.. I remembered him as Shiela Majid’s husband (currently he is her ex’s). I never saw him as a judge before but I heard he’s quite strong in giving his opinions and yeah of course very much knowledgeable in this field. So there.. I hope he could be a bit lenient and try to find that Malaysian Idol.
2. Fauziah Latiff a.k.a Paula Abdul
- our very own Malaysian teen ex-sweetheart (same league as Debbie Gibson last time), she’s soft and nice and she looks really good for a mother of two. Damn her style and her looks is really awesome. Guess she would be the nice judge and have you guys heard her English??? Damn… she evolves pretty much… still remembers her when she was just starting out singing. Hope she would judge the contestants gracefully.
3. Paul Moss a.k.a Simon.
- Never much heard about Paul in open but he’s been the workforce for Positive Tones for quite a long time. He’s the guitarist from The Fan Club, The New Zealanders band with the lead singer being our own Aisyah. In the interview he said ”He knows talent when he sees one” .. so ok.. maybe that experience of his makes him wiser and of course he was exposed for selecting talents like OAG and TOO PHAT… that counts pretty much…I thought they would cast Ramli M.S or even M Nasir to be the wicked one… the ones who likely to tell the honest truth..and nothing but the truth ( yeah truth can be hurting…so be ready all your hopefuls out there). well it’s a dirty job and somebody gotta do it.. so just maybe this Paul guy is the next Simon??... who cares anyway??? Just deliver our idol will yaa???
There is so much reality shows around… Akademi Fantasia are back with it’s second season… (extra plus with saucy..juicy young vibrant students) there’s Audition and Who Will Win??... to think of it.. wow..there’s a lot of people out there wants to be pop stars. As they call it claim to fame… easy money… but not so easily in Malaysia..I might say.. If you are an underground band.. eventhough you put your dedication and playing your hearts out… it won’t work here…. you’ll stay underground forever with your own dedicated niche… in today’s world..it’s all about being commercialized people… talents and sincererity won’t be discovered… it’s hard to find an honest bands nowadays… you have to go beyond underground just to enjoy pure raw talents…ahhhhh… that’s how the world evolved.. just go with the flow
It’s still Saturday and I have to send my li’l brother to Keramat. His friend is having a birthday party. Then I hang out with my brother in Sg.Wang.. as usual.. we hang out at toys store… gosh.. it’s cool to act like a kid once in a while. So it’s back home then to catch The Akademi Fantasia’s Concert.. yeah I’m one of the addict.. I love to see Kaer and Linda in action..
[b]Sunday[/b]
My house is really in a dusty heaven right now. It’s like living in a squatter house. It’s uncomfortable and pretty much tiring to be living in this condition… I don’t really know where am I gonna sleep.. well one advise to everyone out there…IF U WANNA DO A RENOVATION TO YOUR HOUSE.. PUHHLEZZZZ…MOVE OUT.. it’s not a pretty sight at all.
Me and family went out to a kenduri and yeah the feast was great… yummy…Then I hang out with my family..and accompany my mum to Macy.. buy new curtains and railings for my new improve house.. got this really cool 70’s vibe curtains which I love very much… gosh my room would be so damn cool….ihhihiih
[b]Monday[/b]
Wake up really damn early… my li’l brother starts his morning session schooling… arghhh… my eyes is in pain… hate early mornings… went to work as usual.. my students are still slow..but I see improvements in them.. that’s cool.. then after lunch.. went out hunting for a place to hold the Graduation Ceremony… and yeah.. the big grand ones cost about RM12 000 per day..while the average ones cost about RM4500 (excluding the catering charges people) Pretty much expensive…. It’s my 1st time being a head of sumthing… so I must make this right…. Helppppppppppppp me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :cry:
[b]Tuesday[/b]
Back to the present.. Tuesday evening. Bug AK today.. ask him to help out with the hall reservation thingy…ihihhi.. he called my office… yeah with the sultry voice and everything… he melts the receptionist heart and a few others.. sheshh.. cheap publicity.. ihihihih… but AK’s cool… I’ve learnt about lots of stuffs from him.. thanks AK for being a cool dude.. love you for it baby…
A lot of work to be done… a lot of stuffs to prepare…. Lots of stuffs to be organize.. Oh yeah… there’s a cute guy in the LRT today… feel like I wanna talk to him… but how?????... keep looking at him… at his fingers.. yes no wedding ring… feel like I wanna say hi and start a conversation… sheshhh… it won’t happened…How can someone approach a stranger in the LRT without end up looking like a Looney??... damn… hard wehhhh… .. hope to catch with him again…
I’m having a day off tomorrow.. gonna sent my bro to his new college… Finally, My bro is going to college and I’m proud of him. Really proud.. his first step for his diploma… I wish all the best for him…
So..I think I’ll be back on Thursday… take care…
[b]Wednesday 16/6/04[/b]
I was on leave today… had a chance to send my brother off to new college in Bangi.. ohh wow… the college is superb.. nice and kinda cool.. with lots of facilities added. I’ve never experienced living in a cool hostel before… that’s a bit sad. So he’s off for his journey in collegehood….
[b]Thursday 17/6/04[/b]
It’s tough being the head of the graduation… the master planner and all… I love the job but it’s hard to get commitments from my colleague. I have no problems with the girls.. the boys are bit lazy… did I say a bit???... nahhh… they are pure lazy… it’s hard to work in this situation but I did came out with a proposal to my boss and he likes it. So my journey began… It’s hard to monitor the progress of others… damn hard when you wanna give instructions to a friend… hard… I don’t wanna look like I’m in charge of all stuffs. I’m delegating stuffs and I’m gonna do it right…
[u][b]Today is Friday!![/b][/u]
It’s Friday.. possibly my favorite day of the weekdays… I love rainy mornings… it’s cold and windy.. it’s a perfect time to cuddle up and watch a movie with a love one.. arhggghhh those lovely moments are to die for… damn… I miss all the cuddle up sessions… Now I don’t even have time to have one….
I’m a lot happier and relieved because I put down my difference with my grandma.. I do hope I won’t have to encounter those mizzunderstoods moments again… It’s tearing my heart bit by bit… and I can’t even think straight… now.. I’m gonna try hard to preserve our relationship.. My grandma mumbles well… just like me… I’m really happy… :P
Educator of mine.....
06.11.04 (8:00 pm) [edit]Heyaaa… been waiting for me???... I’ve been ok… A bit on the downside a few days ago.
Guess, it’s Friday and I’m definitely going to do sumthing that gonna make me feel ok again… I have too… My mind is a bit disturbed… So I’m gonna talk about sumthing LESS disturbing…. Bare with me…
[b]
Education...is a painful, continual and difficult work to be done in kindness, by watching, by warning,... by praise, but above all -- by example.
John Ruskin [/b]
I’ve been thinking today… why the hell that I end up being an educator?... This is the least field that I want to venture in to. I`m more interested in the entertainment industry or even working in an advertising firm - A white-collar job with a secure company that pays well. But hey.. this is my first work.. so I’m gonna try to make it all worth while.
I still don’t have a clue why I end up in this field anyway…. One thing I love about teaching is I can be more creative in many ways. Teaching is like telling a story to someone… the catch is… a good story will keep your audience interested while a boring one will leave them clueless and bored them as well.
It’s a challenge actually… once I was educated by finest educator and I wanted to be in their league as well. But do I belong here??... yeah for this time being.. I love wut I do.. Freedom of expressing ones creativity is a job to die for. It’s been a year that I’ve been an educator. I’m very much dedicated and learnt a lot about myself. I’m become much more responsible and more matured.
Being and educator is really a hard work. Damn hard… Now I know, why my teachers are all stressed out when we don’t seem to be interested in wut they are teaching… I mean, when a teacher fails to make a student understand a topic… she/he will be considered failed in doing her/his job. That’s the worst feeling ever. It should be avoided at all cost…ihhiihhi..(talk about tension…..)
Treat the students the way you would want to be treated. That’s the major key. Curious students was always a major bummer.. but they are likely to be the smart ones… Silent students makes the lecturer curious.. hihiihih…
My method is always respecting my students first then they can respect you.. same goes as trust. Treat them fairly and with lots of caring and dignity. I want to be remembered as the one who inspires once creativity… that’s my goal.
I do think that as time goes by… I have to evolve and move on. I’m still in a learning process and I do want to widen my horizons. I have plans for myself and my future.. I don’t think I’ll end up teaching forever… I still owe myself my ambition… I need to get out of this trap that I’m in…. I’m not picky but I deserve better…
P.s: "Learning is never done without errors and defeat."
Vladimir Lenin
:( Life sucks all my positive energy out.
06.09.04 (8:53 pm) [edit][b]Early That Day[/b]
I had a terrible morning today…
I cried in the car… I cried in the LRT on my way to work… gosh… could life would be much harder….
I don’t know where to begin… it’s my grandma… she starts to heat up again. Why ohhh why I should go through this phase again???... Am I the devil granddaughter??... Feel like the black sheep right now… feels like being the only target… feel so left out at the moment… feel insecure… feel unwanted… feel like dying… feel like throwing myself out in the street and be left to die… yes, you heard it right… feel like dying… she totally hates me….
[b]Later That Day[/b]
Actually I wanna write all about the misunderstood stuffs that I had encounter with my grandma... but damn.. I don't wanna spill it out here.. feel it's not appropriate.. it's not right... things that I have with my grandma is private... and I should keep it that way.... she has my words on this....
I hope things will eventually go well....
Tok I'm sorry...
I love you too much!
Back to The Present Future
06.08.04 (8:06 pm) [edit]It’s been a long holiday… and I have so much to say here… I miss my blog very much.. I’ve become so addicted.. guess u can call me a Blog Addict.. kinda cool… First and foremost, I would like to say thanks to all of you out there that has taken your time and visit and read my blog entries.. Thanks.. I really appreciate it so much… hey.. I thought I might bore the hell out of you people.. but hey.. my blog ratings says otherwise… Thanks a million……. @}-,-`--
Ok..ok..don’t get too emotional Teddy… get down to business… I’ll wrap things up for the 3 days that I’ve gone.
[u]Saturday[/u]
Saturday was kinda tiring… I guess.. ( gosh.. I don’t recall much.. on what I’ve done on Saturday).. but wait a minute… I remember sumthing… yeah.. I got up.. had my bath.. and went to pick up my brother from the National Service Camp in UiTM Shah Alam. It was his last day there.. all his roomies was back home the previous day so he was left alone in his room… that hostel room was empty… that hostel room was once fill with laughter and blank conversation… kinda sad… He was in tears all suddenly in the car.. I was shocked.. It was the first time I saw him like that… It has been 3 months that he has been there and I’m so damn sure that he had lots of memories to treasure. I know he would miss his friends a lot... especially his roomies… They were like his families there. Taking care of each other… ahhh man… that was the hardest feeling to encounter… to say the simple word goodbye….especially to Hazimi, Mael and Ustat u guys are great… those 3 months friendship will be cherish forever…
After that, we had a family dinner at the Pak Janggut Restaurant… hiihhiih… confuse???... :? that’s wut I call the famous chicken restaurant around… (hint: take a look at the mascot/spokeperson.. and do tell me wut do u see… ).. It’s been a while that we haven’t had a family dinner… the 5 of us.. so that Saturday was damn cool for me…
[u]Sunday[/u]
I woke up not so early as I was watching SWAT last nite. Kinda ok.. but nah it’s not gonna be my favourite movie. I just love to watch Colin Farrel in action… hhiih… yummyyyy all the way… I woke up.. had my bath and eat my lunch with the whole family… my house is kinda wreck right now.. all thanks to the renovation…. The good thing was I’m gonna end up in a really BIG room. That’s gonna be exciting. I’m gonna turn one corner into a movie room thingy and another for toy’s display… I’m giving my room a bit of the 60’s and 70’s vibe … wow… I can simply imagine it now…. Groovy baby…hihiihhihiihi.. For the time being… my house is a BIG mess… lots of dust.. lots & lots of scattered stuffs… it’s a nightmare… have to be a bit patience for now… where are those Queer Eye guys when I need them… ihhihihihhi
Tok still acts like usual… she will work and do stuffs like nobody’s business. She hates it when I’m not helping. I always woke up late on weekends and it is an issue nowadays. I don’t help her and stuffs… I wanted to help but when I woke up, all the stuffs are already done… now I’m so terrified to look her in the eye.. For Godsakes I’m scared of her…. she will have this starry look when I woke up late.. gosh.. she just don’t understand… she even thinks that when I came home late from the office I was having fun out there… man.. she misunderstood wut I does… I really hate this… we don’t have anything in common… just blood related.. actually I love her so much and sometimes I do wish she would be laid back a little… that’s all…
On Sunday my brothers and I were Harry Potter crazy… we watch The Sorceror’s Stone and The Chamber’s of Secret back to back.. it was nice and kinda cool.. my little brother when all nutty and learn all the spells… ihihihih… one was his particular favourite was “Alehemora”.. which means open the lock/door.. he always use that spell when I was in the toilet… talk about being cheeky…. That movie was really good on one’s imagination. My brother use a UK version of English now…. hhihihi… he can’t wait to see the third installment of the HAIREEE POTTAAAR MOOVIEEE ( say it like a British would…), The Prisoner of Azkaban. He can’t wait to see Harry, Ron and Hermione in action. He also said to me shyly” Hermione cantikkan kakak”… ihihihhi… hmmm.. he starts to develop a crush on someone… that’s cute…ihhiihih..
[u]Monday[/u]
I was on leave from work supposedly to send my brother for his medical checkup in Dayabumi. Is he sick or sumthing???... Nahhh… he has to take a routine checkup before he enters to his new college… but as usual.. he woke up late… and the appointment was over. So we decided to have fun..fun..fun…
We went to Times Square Cosmo Theme Park. Kinda cheap for adult RM25 per entrance and RM15 for kids. The theme park was cool.. lots of fun stuffs to do but I do chicken out for the roller coaster ride… I felt a bit dizzy when I step inside the park itself. My brothers was having tons of fun.. they seem to enjoy the ride very much. I wanna throw up when we was on the Fantasy Bus. I cried for Godsakes.. I was scared… hihihi.. it was fun… It’s been so long that my brothers and I haven’t spent our time together. Then we went to the Family Arcade and start to play those arcade games. It’s fun when your money runs like water ehhh… I don’t feel a bit regret on how we spent my money yesterday… it’s worth every cents.
We even check out the ohh so many toys store over there… toys…toys…toys… now it’s time for me to turn a bit nutty… gosh… I can spend hours checking and rummaging out every toy in those stores. I love the Star Wars section and the collectibles too. I really wanted R2D2 (arrtoo-deetoo) for a long time.. been searching for one.. and it is so damn expensive.. Yesterday I saw this PLAYSKOOL version of the Millennium Falcon and it pack up with a cute Star Wars characters (Han, Chewwie, C3PO and Arr-Too).. It cost about RM 350.00. hmmm… I can’t own it now.. but later… just hold on… I’ll get those set.
Rare stuffs are my favourites. I have a few of the Star Wars Guitar Picks collection… blimey!... I don’t even know how to play a guitar.. but those picks are collectors item. And waheyyy… I do own a few of them. It’s gonna look great on my toy’s display area someday.. ihihihih.. I’m 24 and I’m acting all kiddies when I see a toy store… well I don’t know why… I just can’t grow up.. I love toys… it makes me happy.
I think that’s about it wrapping up my 3 days holiday….
Today was ok… I did talk to my student and she was ok… Thank god there was no harm done… waheyyyyy… I did not turn into my ex-evil lecturer after all… that’s a celebration… She was SLOW.. but still steady in her studies.. she wants to learn.. that was her objective.. no matter obstacles she’s still holding on.. good on yer gurl… see I told yaa… I’m not a bad lecturer after all.
Me and my office mates had an eating frenzy today… we eat barbeque fish and it was absolutely delicious. Damn.. The Stingray was really damn good. The flesh was juicy and succulent.. yummyyyyyyy…. I felt full the whole day..hiihih…. Then it reminds me that I have to start exercising soon… :lol:
It’s 5 minutes till 6 p.m. It’s time to go home. See yaa tomorrow peeps…
P.S: Did I say that me and my CINTA had a few smokes???... well actually it was a typo error.. [b]Honestly like The Zwan’s said[/b]… we didn’t touch those things at all… hihihihiih :twisted:
It's Reality Friday
06.04.04 (7:59 pm) [edit]It’s Friday and I’m late to work…. Arrived at the office at about 10.30 am. that’s probably the main reason that I was over slept this morning…. Luckily my boss is not around….
I watch Taking Lives last nite and it was good… it’s a psychological thriller and I love this sorts of movies… I love sumthing that involves mystery-crime-solving thingy… So u guess it, I love to watch CSI very much… back to Taking Lives, Angelina Jolie and Ethan Hawke stars in it.. ahhh Ethan Hawke… I love his work in Reality Bites… way..way back in the 90’s. Me and my CINTA had this “A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks.” thingy going on where we’ll go dutch on everything that we buy for the cost of RM5 to RM10… It was cool… but we do the smoke part anyway… the most important thing was…we learnt to share and care… Now I miss him a lot… damn….. I have to get the DVD for my collection.
[b]My Most Favourite quotes from Reality Bites:[/b]
[u]Lelaina: [/u]
Well, congratulations, Troy Dyer. Welcome to the world of the emotionally mature. It's a very nice place to visit. Hey, you might run in to Michael he lives here.
[u]Troy: [/u]
Oh yeah, Michael Michael. He's so mature because he lets you navigate that entire relationship. Well, I'm sorry Lelaina, but you can't navigate me. I might do mean things and hurt you and I might run away without your permission and you might hate me forever and I know that scares the shit out of you because I'm the only real thing that you have.
[u]Lelaina: [/u]
Yeah, well that ain't real much.
[u][b]Later That Evening…….[/b][/u]
I was mad at one of my students yesterday… she was this talkative gurl but she’s a bit unorganized and really much SLOW…. Damn… I ask her to do a simple task but she went on being numb for about 20 minutes…. Damn… she activates my temper… I told her in front of the class that she failed the subject… and I storm out from the classroom. I just don’t care as yesterday was one of the gloomiest days that I have to go through… It was sad. I found out today she was absent and I kept thinking that…. is it my fault?????... I just hope she will come on Monday as usual… then I’ll talk to her…. personally…. I don’t wanna be like my previous lecturer… she loves to condemn people… I don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings… I wont be Miss H***-who-likes-to-ruin-he r-students-life. I’m better than her…. I’m more responsible than that… I’ll make it right this Monday…
It’s 15 minutes till 6pm. I hope I can be strong… My life a bit wreck… I think I just make a few people unhappy wit my attitude… I just wanna say I’m really sorry… that’s the best I can do for now…
[u][b]
Lastly Before Monday[/b][/u]
This is a very touching quote from “Reality Bites”
[b]“Sometimes new love comes between old friends. Sometimes the best love was the one that was already there.”[/b]
I just love it and the soundtrack is damn good.
To my CINTA,… if u ever read this (that would be a miracle)....
[b]Shadows grow so long before my eyes
And they're moving across the page
Suddenly the day turns into night
Far away from the city
Well, don't hesitate, 'cause your love won't wait...
Ooo, baby, I love your way, everyday
Gonna tell you I love your way, everyday
Wanna be with you night and day
Moon appears to shine and light the skies
With the help of some firefly
Wonder how they have the power to shine
I can see them under the pine
But don't hesitate, 'cause your love won't wait...
Ooo, baby, I love your way, everyday
Gonna tell you I love your way, everyday
Wanna be with you night and day
(Solo - on verse) But don't hesitate, 'cause your love won't wait...
I can see the sunset in your eyes
Brown and grey, blue besides
Clouds are stalking islands in the sun
Wish I could buy one out of season
But don't hesitate, 'cause your love won't wait...
Ooo, baby, I love your way, everyday
Gonna tell you I love your way, everyday
Wanna be with you night and day[/b]
[i]I still love you….[/i]
The Damn thing about ME!
06.03.04 (7:56 pm) [edit]It’s about 5.40p.m
and I feel really full but awkwardly I do feel hungry…
damn my appetite is going all crazy.
Damn…
I’ve gained up 2 kg…
Damn….
Wut will my doctor say when he sees me start ballooning again…
He will get totally mad.. I’m so sure of that…
I’m gonna get sick all over again…
I hate being sick..
I hate being in this situation….
Damn
I hate being so depressed…
I tend to eat a lot… damn a lot…
gosh…
I don’t seem to stop….
This freaks me out..
Damn..
wut am I gonna do??...
Damn
I’m so lost….
Damn
I hate myself for being myself right now…..
I’m in my lowest state of mind….
Really low..
Can’t breathe…
Let me out for once… let me out
Let me be happy…
Don’t let me be….
Just DON’T.. leave me ALONE.
.::THAT PERSON::.
06.02.04 (8:02 pm) [edit]I love this stuff so much.... A lovely composition about that person that we love to have but something might happened along the way....
Well I just like to share this with all of you out there....
[u][b]That Person[/b][/u]
You have a lot of friends and buddies but you still remember that only one person…
You keep asking yourself,
1. Is that person well today….
2. Has that person eaten or not?....
BUT one question still remains…
[b]"Does that person remembers you as well?" [/b]
You worried sick if you can’t hear that person’s voice. Your day became sobber and gloomy[b] BUT [/b]when you hear that person’s voice your whole day would became brighter and fill with sunshine and butterflies. You will automatically be a lot fresher and you won’t feel hungry (that’s for sure)
You will be [u]very jealous[/u] if that person tends to talk about other people that that person met. Sometimes you are a bit heartbroken when that person always talks about someone else when that person spends time with you.
You get to meet that person at least once a month so before you finally met that person you prepare yourself to look good for that person, ... Doesn’t matter how much it cost for a new wardrobe or a new perfume…
When the date was over, you are[u] still over the moon, [/u]you can’t sleep.. you can’t eat.. and you do wonder why you had have developed these kind of feelings every time you are with that person….
[b]You felt good about everything and nothing else matters to you any more…[/b]
[b]Letters, greeting cards, movie stubs, candy wrappers, receipts or junks or even anything that he pass on to you will became a memento. It’s pretty much weird but you will still keep it as a remembrance for that particular event. [/b]
Sometimes you tend to make that person jeolous but that person show no interest & has no wutsoever respond to you but then you became irritated and felt hurt..[b]BUT [/b]you don’t realize why you should go through all those stuffs to get that person’s attention. Why should you make that person jeolous in the first place?
You [b]trust[/b] that person with your heart and soul. You are ready to share all kinds of story with that person. You love to hear that person chit chatting about almost anything even though sometimes you feel that the topic will [u]bore you to death[/u]. The amazing thing is you are willing to show that you are so interested and still want to spend quality time with him.
When your family asks you about that person, you told them that you were both just friends BUT in your head, you had all sorts of imagination with that person such as how would your wedding look like… and yeah where would you both go for honeymoon….
hmmm… u have all those weird feelings about that person,…. so what was the actual feeling that you felt? If you wanna declared it as just friends but you treat that person like a million bucks. Just admit that you have fallen in love with that person. That feeling that you encounter keep bugging you and made your life miserable. You know why? You are one egoistic person. Is it so hard to declare your love for that person
Opps… I’m sorry.. If you’re a girl..it’s gonna be a lot difficult… gurls don’t express their true feelings openly… they tend to bottle up their feelings and just let it go with the flow.
So, all the people out there, if you had developed these feelings for that person as I listed above… plzzz don’t wait too long… plzzzz don’t ever wait to long to find out about that person’s feeling for you cause……….
[u][b]"IT IS BETTER TO BE HEART BROKEN WHEN YOUR LOVE IS UNREQUITED RATHER THEN TO BE HEART BROKEN FROM AN UNKNOWN ONE".[/b][/u]
[i]For the memorial of my CINTA... I love you so much...[/i]
Meet the office family...
06.02.04 (5:35 pm) [edit]Morning Malaysia……
and I’m sleepy…. my eyes is a bit hurt…. Had a long chit chat with Nazri (4am till my battery was all out). It’s been a while that I haven’t chit chat on the phone wit a fwen late wee hours in the morning. It’s been fun… layan my brain for a while without taking any extra substance… hiihihii. The conversation was good and relaxing. Good luck to you with that special someone.
There was no meeting yesterday… lame… smoke on troubled waters…. Everyone was stressing out… well let me introduced that everyone to all of you out there.
Miss Alang
– my closest, most bestest friend here in my office. She was like a sister to me and we do think alike. We shared everything together (non-offensive stuffs..puhh-leez..) and we love to go bowling, shopping, see movies… She had a mild personality and very easy going…. She is small in size but her appetite is as big as mine… I wonder how she can keep on with that not-over-46kg weight..ihihih… damn.. wish I had her metabolism… I think I would miss her the most when I moved out from my office….
Miss Make-Me-Wannnna
- a good fwen, my lrt buddy, my laughing buddy, a bit of fashion conscious as she loves to look good most of the time…and I know she’s dieting secretly..hiihihhi, she got this bootylicious behind which is the center of everyone’s attention… loves to park her “stuff” on my table dividers…ihihihihhi.. Did I reveal too much info???...
Mdm Mas
– she’s 25 and married with 1 kid.. but still act like a kid herself… very much bubbly and laugh very much loudly.. she’s my personal hairdresser… (ihihihhi….save me a lot on going to expensive hair saloons). She’s kind at heart and yeah she had a pretty face. Well if we gurls wanna know about marital life..we just simply ask her.. ihihhihi… for knowledge purposes people….. I repeat again….ONLY for knowledge purposes ….. :D
Sir Acong
– very much energetic and someone reliable.. he’s my star wars middle man.. a good hearted guy with a long future ahead of him… he looks 110% Chinese and can fool anyone wit it..especially during on the month of Ramadhan… ahaks.. lucky you… girls will fall for his wit and charm ++ good looks… I can talk to him on almost anything ranging from body parts to room design... he’s a bit hard headed & still thinks like a kid… anyway he’s cool
Sir Melanau Ayob
- unpredictable guy… changes his mind when he’s bored…which is MOST of the time… had a BIG crush on almost everyone that he sees… mind you… man and women.. ihhiihhi… he likes to change stuffs… changes his name for popularity.. he’s frequent word is “Bila kita nak main????”….. he’s a bit confuse with his sexuality for quite a while but says that he loves a** very much…hiihihihhiihih. Well down inside, he’s a good fwen and a nice guy to have a conversation with. He’s resigning and back to his natural habitat. Good luck to him….
Sir Nan
- quite unpredictable too.. has different names for certain gurls… said that he was a part-time casa-nova and a part-time lover... he’s a part-time for almost everything…. anyone interested???.. he can be good fwen too if he’s done with his part time thingy…
Sir Ustat
– not the usual kind of ustat but an unusual one… he’s been my fwen for quite a long time since way back 2000. Someone that you can rely to but sometimes he was lost in an emotional situation. A good fella at heart but have a bit of difficulties with gurls. He was our “Air Buah Gelas Besar Keramat” buddies…
En Talhulk
– an understanding brother.. influenced the office with 80’s Rock Kapak… it was fun having him around ‘cause we can talk almost about anything with him. He’s cool. He can be really funny and he can be quite serious in just a minute. Just don’t mess with himlah kind of attitude. He’s the man….
Sir Brother Bear
- the cuddliest colleague here… very much muscular and very big… he has a big heart and big visions. He has this fierce look in his face… kinda look like the gangster from Kampung Pinang Sebatang, Bujang Lapok fame…hiihihihhi…. BUT he’s fun to be with. An open minded guy who always gives us advise on many things.. treats us like his own siblings…. He lives and speaks from his experience. Never judge a book by its cover… he lives with this saying. Never expect that he has work and lived in UK for quite a while…ihihihih… see don’t start to judge people…
That’s about everyone that I can remember…. They are all are gems to me.. I'll remember me 4 ever.. The juice about the big pimps, I’m gonna grind later.. that is when I’m free from here... seee yaaaa